Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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