I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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