please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
