There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
