I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
