Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
