Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
