Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
