Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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