wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I want to be your penis for a week.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize