you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
