Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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