That's intense
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize