i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
