508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize