Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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