I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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