Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
