There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
