I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
