woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
