and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You took a bar mat shot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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