I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
