mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
