She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No subtext here. People are naked.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
