The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
