Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize