Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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