I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
