If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
