you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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