Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
