If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
