i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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