I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
