he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
