I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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