I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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