Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
