If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
