he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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