Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
