Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
