so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
