You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
