sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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