The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
