One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
