To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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