dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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