Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
