I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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