Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
