apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize