Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
