I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
