My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize