I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
